“They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing” (Psalm 92:14).
Nearly ten years ago I stumbled upon Psalm 92:14 and claimed it for myself. Still single and longing to be married with kids, I believed bearing fruit meant I was guaranteed the fulfillment of this promise as it pertained to physical childbearing. Because God brought this verse to my conscious awareness, surely He was telling me motherhood was in my future. Young in my relationship with Christ, I lacked discernment in how to properly interpret the Scriptures. I assumed the first thought that popped into my brain must be the message God was speaking to me. But I would soon learn I cannot play the role God assigned to the Holy Spirit. Only His Spirit can be the accurate translator of God’s word, and I do myself harm when I fail to ask for His wisdom.
Day after day I would stare at verses, hoping my fixation on them would grant me my wish. I plastered my work cubicle with various Scriptures, including Psalm 92:14. While it was good to surround myself with Scripture, it was more of an exercise in positive thinking techniques than praying with an open heart seeking God’s impartation of His will for my life. I had convinced myself there was only one way Jesus could bring glory to Himself and children into my life, by the traditional path of physical conception and birth. I was wrong. The Lord is never constrained by human limitations and while many of life’s experiences are physical, He is always working in the spiritual realm.
In September, 2002 I became a wife and mother on the same day. I married a man with three college-age daughters. Honestly, “stepmother” was not the title I was hoping for, and I struggled with the reality of it throughout my courtship with Jon. Was I going against God’s plan by failing to trust He could give me my own baby, or were these three girls His gift to me? They would never belong to me physically or legally. Like Jon, their birth mother was lovingly involved in their lives. Desiring to tread lightly as to never disrupt this sacred parent-child bond, I considered myself void of any responsibility for the girls’ moral upbringing. God would hold Jon and his ex-wife accountable for that, but not me, or so I thought.
As a newlywed, God extended me grace in my wrong attitudes until my faith matured enough to see my sin. I am not granted a “free pass” from being a light for Christ to anyone the Father brings into my sphere of influence. Yes, He has created me with a mind and will that can choose to ignore the privilege I have been given, but one day I will answer to Him for the choices I made. Slowly the Holy Spirit enabled me to understand that my stepdaughters will be affected by my words and actions, and I have an opportunity to be a godly mentor.
Making a difference for Christ in another’s life is my passion. It’s born out of my love for all that Jesus continues to do in me, and in gratitude for people He used to draw me closer to Him. I would like to tell you that I have a strong mentoring relationship with Jon’s girls, but it’s a delicate dance. Sometimes it appears we are making great progress, other days the chasm between our opposing views widens. I am learning to love as Christ loved me, unconditionally loving the sinner while not condoning the sin. It’s God’s love that brings us to repentance. My prayer is to be the Holy Spirit’s channel of love and forgiveness to others; a beacon that points them to Jesus.
May’s celebration of Mother’s Day brings motherhood into the forefront. Prompted by the recent visit of Jon’s daughters coupled with shopping excursions for friends’ baby showers, a small undercurrent of sadness rises to the surface of my heart. Pregnancy and child rearing is not something I wish I were experiencing today, but wish I had years earlier. It still seems out of character for me to have missed it. Praise God He reminds me that He is at work bringing forth spiritual fruit (children of God) through me even though I do not see it now! And He did answer my prayer for physical children. He gave me somebody else’s three pretty girls to love. Who has Jesus put in your life? “They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing” (Psalm 92:14).
Your fellow sojourner,
Mary
