The Extended Single Years

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him (Isaiah 30:18)."

Is being single becoming a disease you are trying to cure yourself of? Have voices of doubt from family and friends mingled with your own inner thoughts caused you to despair? Do whispers from Satan tell you if you were such a great catch you would already be caught? It wasn’t so long ago I would have answered yes to all of these questions until God began to change my heart, and my perspective. Slowly I began to realize being single was not a curse, but a time of blessed fellowship and preparation for my future.

There is nothing abnormal about desiring marriage. God created men and women to be joined together. While some people are perfectly comfortable remaining single their entire lives, the majority of us do want to get married. That being said, why does it have to be so complicated? I believe it’s because the goal is not simply to get married, but to be joined to the right spouse. Unfortunately, most couples have removed Christ from the relationship, or begrudgingly invite Him in as an unwelcome guest to be tolerated from time-to-time like a distant relative. We think we know best as we wonder why the divorce rate is so staggering.

Have you ever thought that God is protecting you from great harm by keeping you single? Do you trust that He would not withhold anything that is good from you? If marriage came so easily how tempting it would be to take your mate for granted. Maybe you feel you are ready, but the Lord may be working in the life of you future spouse. Wouldn’t you rather wait on God’s perfect timing to bring you together than to rush ahead and spoil the surprise? The longer you wait for something you really hope for, the greater the rejoicing when you behold it at last. Intense suffering in the single years can lead to greater commitment in marriage if you allow God to change your focus.

How do I know this? I was 43-years-old when I met my husband; married him at 44. There were two proposals before Jon’s. However, marrying any of those other guys would have had devastating consequences. Both those men cheated on their girlfriends and wives, including me. God was merciful; He saved me from greater pain than I had already experienced. Better still, He filled my heart with a love for Him and began to show me how we could partner through life together. If I let Him, Jesus would bring me the best husband for me, and prepare me to be a godly wife too.

My outlook on being single changed from gloomy to grateful as I dove into God’s Word daily. Bathed in His Scriptures, I surrendered the reins of control and asked the Holy Spirit to help me cooperate with His vision for my life. I gave God access to change my desire to be married, but if He planned to fulfill it I wanted the choice to be His. I prayed for God to work in my life and the life of my future husband, and for our union to honor Him. I was confident He had something really special planned for me. And He did!

If you are wondering why you are unmarried, ask God to reveal the answer before you make your own assumptions. If there are changes you need to make, the Lord will help you. The adversity and loneliness I faced in my single years strengthened me for marriage. Because I learned to turn to Jesus for wisdom, love and fellowship before and after I met Jon, my husband does not carry the responsibility only my Creator can fulfill. We cherish the gift of our marriage and the Giver who was our matchmaker. I pray you will use your single years to build up your relationship with Christ, and trust in His perfect plan for you. "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him (Isaiah 30:18)."

Your fellow sojourner,

Mary