“Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful” Romans 12:12.
Do you find yourself wrestling with God over why He has allowed things that test your patience? Life isn’t easy for most of us, yet we make it harder by tossing our anger at the One who is working to bring a blessing out of a curse. Oh, if I only I would cooperate with Him more instead of putting up a fight! So many of my greatest struggles turned out to be the greatest character-building moments when my spirit was teachable. At the time, they did not seem like a fork-in-the-road choice. But looking in the rear view mirror God sometimes affords me a glimpse of the importance of choosing wisely.
One of the first struggles I had to overcome was with food. It’s a common problem with many Americans. In the land of plenty we’re prone to overindulgence at every turn. I was never obese, but in my late teens I donned extra pounds that did not compliment my small frame. There were a host of reasons this was happened: less exercise, finding my solace in sweets when insecurities arose, and lack of nutritional understanding. After all, doesn’t a teenager have more important things to ponder than proteins, carbohydrates and fats? Sharing one of my self-pity moments with my college roommate, her retort rattled my self-absorbed mood, “You have so much potential. I don’t know why you don’t use what you’ve been given.”
Who, me? What potential do I have? And what am I so afraid of? My answer, success! For me, it had become easier to hold back. No one expects much of you if you’re living below your potential. Yet I knew my excuses where lame. I’d grown tired of my miserable jealous feelings when skinny friends feasted on treats without consequence. Two choices were available—stagnate and surrender to my food addiction, or take control and win. Strong in self-determination, I started a strict diet and exercise regimen. I absorbed every article I could find on these topics. God was not part of the equation back then. Emphasis on my strength was all I needed, or so I thought.
For awhile, I was winning the battle. In fact, the transformation was so dramatic that friends who hadn’t seen me in months didn’t recognize me. My hair was longer, my body was 25 pounds thinner, and contacts replaced my wire rim glasses. Success tasted sweet, but didn’t last long. My weight yo-yoed whenever I felt challenged, lonely, or insecure. Although the outside had changed the inside needed work. It took a health crisis in my thirties for God to reach me. He led me to a place that my strength could not hold me. Only placing my trust in Christ’s hands could.
It all seemed so cruel, so unfair when my health was jeopardized. I felt completely out of control after expanding so much effort to create a world-approved image of myself. Again, a fork-in-the-road appeared. Do I wallow in anger and abuse my body further, or do I turn to Jesus for the healing and peace I lack? Yes, it was wise to educate myself on healthy choices in food and exercise; but my diet had to include a daily dose of heavenly love. Without it I was starved, unsatisfied, and reaching for the wrong things to fill the void.
This wellness battle will always rage to some degree in my flesh, but praise God there has been victory! My weight swings are much less, and my palate desires the nutrients my body needs. No longer do I see self-restraint as punishment from God, but as loving boundaries that keep my mind, body and spirit in harmony. Perhaps that which you are fighting so strongly against will one day be your greatest ally if you invite Jesus into the war. “Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful” Romans 12:12.
Your fellow sojourner,
Mary
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